I'm not sure you're reading this or not. But I hope you do.
Tonight. I'm thinking about you again. But you don't know.
The last post on your blog is about how much you struggle last year during paediatric posting. About losing yourself. Insanity.
Tonight. I'm thinking about you again. But you don't know.
The last post on your blog is about how much you struggle last year during paediatric posting. About losing yourself. Insanity.
If loving you is madness
Then I don't want to be sane.
Believe me. I know exactly how does it feels like. I was the same when I first started practical in HUKM. Falling into a state of anxiety and depression. Insomniac all the more. The world is a pitch black darkness. The room is your only safe place but at the same time also a prison. All four walls feel like caving in. The only sanctuary is the corner of my room. Believe me. I even slept in the corner of my room. The wall became my place where I wrote jumbled up words. Just like in prison. It hurts when you're alone. When you wanted to reach out to someone but you just can't. Simply because you didn't know how to put things into words, into forms that could be easily understood. How am I supposed to make others understand me when I couldn't even understand myself.
Believe me. I know exactly how does it feels like. I was the same when I first started practical in HUKM. Falling into a state of anxiety and depression. Insomniac all the more. The world is a pitch black darkness. The room is your only safe place but at the same time also a prison. All four walls feel like caving in. The only sanctuary is the corner of my room. Believe me. I even slept in the corner of my room. The wall became my place where I wrote jumbled up words. Just like in prison. It hurts when you're alone. When you wanted to reach out to someone but you just can't. Simply because you didn't know how to put things into words, into forms that could be easily understood. How am I supposed to make others understand me when I couldn't even understand myself.
My greed gets bigger without even knowing
I hope my existence reaches you.
Sylvia Plath would has said something, like being in a bell jar. Breathless. Chest pain. Gasping for air. Asphyxiated. You wish you would just fall asleep and to never wake up again.
I keep on fallin. Deeper and deeper.
But hey, i'm doing fine right now. Not as totally fine but still good enough to be breathing around. I still need my medication sometimes, even though I defaulted my psychiatric follow up. Heh.
“Are you okay?’
“Yeah. Still breathing at least.”
And you. This will pass too. This pain will definitely end.
Oh, by the way. I think you're looking prettier these days. I don't think you lose your innershine though. Everything about you is beautiful. Even the heart that's beating.
If you're struggling right now. Just know that you're not alone. Be brave enough to reach out to someone. Loneliness is a scary thing. It breaks you into a thousand pieces of insecurities. I’m not gonna say things like, I’m here for you when I know I’m not the one. But if you need someone, you can come to me.
And you. This will pass too. This pain will definitely end.
Oh, by the way. I think you're looking prettier these days. I don't think you lose your innershine though. Everything about you is beautiful. Even the heart that's beating.
If you're struggling right now. Just know that you're not alone. Be brave enough to reach out to someone. Loneliness is a scary thing. It breaks you into a thousand pieces of insecurities. I’m not gonna say things like, I’m here for you when I know I’m not the one. But if you need someone, you can come to me.
Like John Green wrote, “The world is not a wish-granting factory”. And you know this better than anyone else.
I like your writing. Whenever I’m down I would go through your post and there will always be bits here and there that just made my day. You should be a writer. I hope you will continue to write a lot more after this.
Words can save people sometimes.
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